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February 12, 2011when something is broken, how do you pick up and mend the pieces back together?
when a part of you is aching, how do you cope and act like nothing’s wrong?
when everything is falling apart, how do you stay still and keep everything together?
No more running away.
July 9, 2009No more running away
Do you ever get the feeling wherein you keep on going ‘round and ‘round yet you always end up to the same point where you started?
In spite of what I always believed in, I am afraid of facing my fears. Fear of getting hurt, of being unloved, of being unappreciated and that of being betrayed. I have a difficult time confronting those people who gave me pains that until now, I could not stand. I have this courageous mask that I wear just not to become a laughingstock of the world. I tell a lot of people I’ve moved on but the truth is, I cannot even make a single step forward.
To be able to cope with the damage that has been brought to me, I convinced myself to avoid people and circumstances that could lead to a devastating event, yet again. And in doing so, I secluded and surrounded myself with a barrier that even the most powerful emotion- love- cannot pierce through, or so I thought.
All these years, I wasted a lot time and energy on escaping reality and keep fooling myself that in doing so, I could go back to the old me and I would forget the past and everything will be just fine. But I was so wrong!
As I keep on eluding these fears, the more I become worse. Because the moment that I started running away from it, more fears come and build up and it seems that it is determined to pin me down. It’s like being stuck in the quicksand and it’s going to engulf me alive.
I woke up today and realized, I love my life and I will not hold up living it just because of these fears. There are a lot of people who feel hurt when I’m hurting, so I cannot keep on hurting them. They mean a lot to me. Therefore, no more hatred, no more tears, and no more running away.
di na mababawi
February 28, 2009
eternity
“The dead are such good company that one may come to think too little of the living.
It is a real and a pressing danger with many of us, that we should never find our own
thoughts and our own souls, but be ever obsessed by the dead. Yet second-hand romance
and second-hand emotion are surely better than the dull, soul-killing monotony which
life brings to most of the human race. But best of all when the dead man’s wisdom and
strength in the living of our own strenuous days.”
-Through the Magic Door by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.
If I could live another day, I would still want to hold your hand and feel your warmth. I’ll tell you exactly how much you mean to me. I will sing my heart for there are no words to explain how happy I am that you have been part of my life. And until the last moment, I will keep hoping that I could never let you go.
I have done everything that could keep you here beside me and I guess what I want aren’t meant to be. You have been my everything, the center of my universe, and the air that I breathe. I cannot and will not live without you. I need you to fill me up these empty spaces in my heart and soul like a piece of piece of puzzle that will complete my existence.
I have decided to dedicate my life only to you and fill up my head with thoughts of what would be our future roles as a couple. That really made my days great, thinking about our years together, growing up and loving one another. Oh! What a sweet delightful thoughts. I can never ask for more of having you.
damn it!
Damn! I’m getting frustrated. Do you ever get the feeling when you think about everything around you and you feel that you have everything you need yet you still feel incomplete? Like there is something big that you have been missing all this time and it feels like you can see it in front of you but you just can’t tell what it is? I’ve been going on and on and on about this silly questions and push harder to see if I did miss anything and I’m left exhausted and feeling utterly stupid. There is nothing wrong with me but I’m certain that something isn’t right. Ugh!
number 1 question
The number one question in the world for me right now is that Why can’t I just tell him what I really feel?
Possible answers were:
I don’t want to sabotage a good friendship.
I am not sure of what I feel?
Fear of rejection.
I don’t know how to express my emotions.
I’m freaking scared of commitment.
It must be so lame as to not know what to do. I know that things would be a lot easier if the other party would encourage me. But no, he doesn’t have any idea that I might be falling in love with him! I know that I’m very difficult to read most of the time but all my demands are just so simple. Quoting from one of my favorite songs:
“I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I love you to love me, and begging you to beg me!” - I want you to want me by Ani Difranco.
sugoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
February 13, 2009