No more running away.

July 9, 2009

No more running away

 

Do you ever get the feeling wherein you keep on going ‘round and ‘round yet you always end up to the same point where you started?

 

In spite of what I always believed in, I am afraid of facing my fears. Fear of getting hurt, of being unloved, of being unappreciated and that of being betrayed.  I have a difficult time confronting those people who gave me pains that until now, I could not stand.  I have this courageous mask that I wear just not to become a laughingstock of the world.  I tell a lot of people I’ve moved on but the truth is, I cannot even make a single step forward.

 

To be able to cope with the damage that has been brought to me, I convinced myself to avoid people and circumstances that could lead to a devastating event, yet again.  And in doing so, I secluded and surrounded myself with a barrier that even the most powerful emotion- love- cannot pierce through, or so I thought.

 

All these years, I wasted a lot time and energy on escaping reality and keep fooling myself that in doing so, I could go back to the old me and I would forget the past and everything will be just fine.  But I was so wrong!

 

As I keep on eluding these fears, the more I become worse.  Because the moment that I started running away from it, more fears come and build up and it seems that it is determined to pin me down. It’s like being stuck in the quicksand and it’s going to engulf me alive.

 

I woke up today and realized, I love my life and I will not hold up living it just because of these fears. There are a lot of people who feel hurt when I’m hurting, so I cannot keep on hurting them. They mean a lot to me. Therefore, no more hatred, no more tears, and no more running away.